I got an email the other day promising a big box of chocolates if I could manage the behaviour of a mini tyrant — he’s 7! Challenge or what? The promise is from someone making a referral for a mini tyrant and reckons he’s going to take all my skill to manage…. She even has doubts that it’s possible!
I did a lesson observation in this little boy’s class a few months ago. I was asked to because the young teacher, who hadn’t had any behaviour management training, was struggling to manage the deteriorating behaviour. It wasn’t good – 4 adults in the class with no obvious plan of who was supporting which group of children. It was a bit chaotic to say the least.
Things were ok to begin with, but then the little lad who’s now coming to my classes started. Fairly minor stuff at the start – wriggling around, poking other children – but what did the adults do? Nothing… Hm, this was going to be interesting. This was followed by him rolling onto the floor and disappearing out of reach under the table. Behaviour can deteriorate very quickly – all this in about 2 minutes from the start of the lesson! Before they could fish him out he was up and out of the door! There had to be some adult action now, surely? Quite slowly, an adult raised herself from her chair and went after him… No real rush though!
I went too, hearing a banging from the area as I was approaching. He was banging a toilet door, but still the adult did nothing, just watching him being totally defiant. I asked her what she was going to do. Looking a little flustered she told me that she didn’t really know and her body language told both the child and me that this was the case. He was so sure of himself and the power he had over this adult.
I asked if she wanted me to show her what she should do. ‘Oh, yes please,’ she said. Her body language changed as she recognised that help was being offered that would relieve her from a situation where she had no idea what to do.
The slamming door wasn’t full height. Mini tyrant was glaring at us, almost challenging a confrontation. I reached out and held the door, and reached to take his hand, saying, ‘Come with me, young man,’ and propelled him swiftly away from the door. I asked the support worker to go to class first and sit just inside the door. It happened in a couple of seconds and he walked with me quite freely — this was a new experience for him, but not unpleasant.
When we got to where the assistant was sitting I told him to sit on the floor and not to move until the lady said he could. I asked him if he understood and he said that he did.
‘Yes miss’, he said. He sat down, looking at me, a little confused!
‘That’s a good boy, now don’t move.’
All the adults were watching this unfold and were astounded. ‘But, he doesn’t do as he’s told like that,’ one of them said. ‘Well he does,’ I said, ‘because he’s doing it.’
A little girl, who also presented the teacher with major behaviour problems, looked at one of the adults, indicated towards me and said with great feeling, ‘She’s good!’
This little girl had quickly assessed my ability to manage behaviour. Children know instinctively who is to be respected and has authority. And the rest of the adults who children realise can’t manage them? They just run rings around them…
So what did I do that’s so different and why is it so effective?
It’s really simple when you’ve been taught what to do. I have 100% confidence in my behaviour management strategies and I know that whatever action I take will have the result I want. Children read my confidence — as well as they read dithering from those who are unsure of themselves. They are instinctive and know immediately whether an adult has to be listened to or if it’s worth testing them out. They quite happily allow confident adults to take control of situations as the mini tyrant proved. He met a different adult who was completely confident and he behaved exactly as he should.
When you start using more effective strategies you have to be prepared for the children to test whether you mean what you say. After all, they didn’t have to believe you before – they played up and got a good result, so why should it be any different now? They won’t be too pleased with the change of regime, but persevere and you’ll get the results you want. Learn to use your voice, timing and body language effectively. You, as well as anyone else, can learn to manage children’s behaviour – it’s really quite simple. Study the easy to follow strategies, practise them and be consistent – you’ll see improvements immediately.
Liz Marsden is an expert child behaviour management practitioner. She uses her expertise in her own classes and in mainstream schools. She uses her expertise to train teachers, trainee teachers, teaching assistants and parents to manage children’s behaviour with confidence. Visit Liz’s website where you can download her widely recommended book, Behaviour Bible, which will give you invaluable advice to improve your teaching management expertise.
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