Kicked Out Of School At 7 – Can My Behaviour Be Managed?

A little boy has just started in my class and as usual he’s only been referred when so many others have failed to manage his behaviour and he’s at the point of being kicked out of school for good! So much time has been lost and the little boy is confused, frightened and his behaviour is atrocious. If things don’t change then the damage will increase as he grows up. I always ask why it’s so late in the day when these youngsters are referred – a lot of trauma for everybody could be prevented!

People find it very surprising that my sympathy is always with the children… Why? Well, they’re the innocent ones, aren’t they? They’re deeply unhappy and confused. Their lives are almost totally negative –who in their right mind would want to live like that? I just wouldn’t want to be in their position.

‘Why then do children continue their bad behaviour if it results in such a negative experience of life’, I’m asked. If they feel bad, then they need to make changes…

Oh dear, people just don’t get it! That makes me so annoyed! Although these kids are deeply and desperately unhappy they can’t make changes unless the adults start using behaviour management strategies that makes them change. It really is that simple.

Nobody can expect young children to make behaviour changes after they’ve been permitted to behave unacceptably for so long. It could even be claimed that they’ve been encouraged to be badly behaved by being wrongly managed. They’ve long lost the idea of how they should be behaving!

To grow into confident adolescents and adults children need, and deserve, to learn the proper way to behave by being disciplined in and out of school. Anything less is bordering on neglect. If they don’t learn how their world works they have far less chance of succeeding in life.

The little guy who’s just come to me attends my classes each morning and goes to his mainstream school every afternoon. He’s done ok considering he’s been so out of control in school, but they rang on day 2 to tell me that on his return on the first day he was as ‘bad as ever’… Not surprising really… Only minor changes will be seen in mainstream until they adopt behaviour management techniques that impact positively on his behaviour. Ok, they’ll see some transfer of the more positive behaviour he shows in my classes, but this won’t become his norm in mainstream if their behaviour management strategies stay the same as previously.

If children have been allowed to behave unacceptably this behaviour quickly becomes their norm and they perceive the behaviour is acceptable to adults. They know they’re behaving badly but having started from minor indiscretions – a bit of a laugh, an avoidance strategy, attention seeking – it soon escalates and becomes habitual. It becomes a lose/lose situation with everyone involved becoming highly stressed and at a loss as to what can be done.

I know that the new starter will be compelled to start behaving as he does in mainstream school – he won’t have any control over it. But, we’ll soon see how he gets on…

I’ll work with the school (and home) so they’ll learn how to manage his behaviour – they won’t find it difficult. They’ll receive the same advice that I give all those people I work with and they’ll soon be confidently using my behaviour management techniques. Believe me, anyone can do it…

Liz Marsden is a highly respected behaviour control expert who uses her expertise to train teachers, trainee teachers and teaching assistants to manage children’s behaviour. Visit Liz’s web site to learn more about her work in her own classroom and mainstream schools. Liz’s highly recommended book, Behaviour Bible will give you all the advice you need in classroom control.